Ok...I will admit it. I cry often. And the sad part is I really don't know why. I always cry whenever I experience a rush of emotions...for anything! But it is mostly when I am watching T.V. or a movie. What is truly wierd about it (my crying) is that the movie or telivision program doesn't have to necessiarly be sad, just emotional. Like for example...when "Goose" died in the movie Top Gun...I cried (I know that was the sad part) , but I cried just as much when at the end of the movie, Iceman walks over Maveric and tells him, "You are still dangerous! You can be my wingman anytime." Then Tom Cruise looks back at him and says, "Bullshit! You can be mine." I cant explain it...but of course I cried.
Its kinda sad, but if you name a movie...I can proably tell you a scene from it that made me cry. And, lets not even begin with "Forrest Gump".
The only reason why i'm even sharing this is because this evening I was watching the season premier of "The Biggest Loser" , and, well...I cried. I cried listening to their stories. I cried in the beginning of the show when that lady collapsed on the beach after trying to run for just ONE MILE!!! But mostly I cried tonight because in each and everyone of this seasons competitors...I saw ME!
I felt the fear they are all facing. The fear of letting go. Letting go of all that you cling to in order to start yourself anew. Letting go of the anger inside of you. All of the bad fellings, all of the negitivity, all of the people, all of the HATE!
I've come to find this process is easier said than done, because for someone like me (or someone like you) all of these things i have mentioned have come to DEFINE just who I am. So, I'm left with the reality of ,"If I let all of these things go...WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO HOLD ON TO ?" It is only today that i have come to the understanding of my last question. The answer is ...nothing. Because you see...If you hold onto nothing, you have nothing to get in your way. No one to blame. No one . Just YOURSELF. And it is only now that I can truly see just how much this has kept me back . Me. I have kept me back. I have kept myself back from becoming the person I was meant to become...all because i WAS SCARED TO LET GO.
So, please follow along with me , as I begin my journey of self awareness, as I begin to achive my goals, as I begin to learn how...to live.
So what if I cry...it's just my way of reminding myself that I am human.
