So what if I cry...

Ok...I will admit it. I cry often. And the sad part is I really don't know why. I always cry whenever I experience a rush of emotions...for anything! But it is mostly when I am watching T.V. or a movie. What is truly wierd about it (my crying) is that the movie or telivision program doesn't have to necessiarly be sad, just emotional. Like for example...when "Goose" died in the movie Top Gun...I cried (I know that was the sad part) , but I cried just as much when at the end of the movie, Iceman walks over Maveric and tells him, "You are still dangerous! You can be my wingman anytime." Then Tom Cruise looks back at him and says, "Bullshit! You can be mine." I cant explain it...but of course I cried.

Its kinda sad, but if you name a movie...I can proably tell you a scene from it that made me cry. And, lets not even begin with "Forrest Gump".

The only reason why i'm even sharing this is because this evening I was watching the season premier of "The Biggest Loser" , and, well...I cried. I cried listening to their stories. I cried in the beginning of the show when that lady collapsed on the beach after trying to run for just ONE MILE!!! But mostly I cried tonight because in each and everyone of this seasons competitors...I saw ME!

I felt the fear they are all facing. The fear of letting go. Letting go of all that you cling to in order to start yourself anew. Letting go of the anger inside of you. All of the bad fellings, all of the negitivity, all of the people, all of the HATE!

I've come to find this process is easier said than done, because for someone like me (or someone like you) all of these things i have mentioned have come to DEFINE just who I am. So, I'm left with the reality of ,"If I let all of these things go...WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO HOLD ON TO ?" It is only today that i have come to the understanding of my last question. The answer is ...nothing. Because you see...If you hold onto nothing, you have nothing to get in your way. No one to blame. No one . Just YOURSELF. And it is only now that I can truly see just how much this has kept me back . Me. I have kept me back. I have kept myself back from becoming the person I was meant to become...all because i WAS SCARED TO LET GO.

So, please follow along with me , as I begin my journey of self awareness, as I begin to achive my goals, as I begin to learn how...to live.

So what if I cry...it's just my way of reminding myself that I am human.

Fat People

The Mind. The Universe. Planet Earth. Fat People.

I have finally come to the brutal conclusion that we, as a human society know more about The mind, the Planet Earth, The Universe, Rapist, Murderers, and thieves, than we as a society know about fat people. I've noticed too, that whenever mention of an overweight person, it always spawns one of two VERY distinct reactions. Either people: A) Hold their head with shame when mentioning of a fat person. As if the very mention of that person is going to bring on an onslought of bad circulation, a doubble chin, and an uncontrollable desire for all things fried. (Altough...I'm still not too sure just how bad that last thing REALLY is.)

Or: B) They laugh, chucklle, or snicker. Just the mention of the fat persons name is the set-up, AND the punchline.

But do you really want to know what is the funniest thing about this situation? These people will NEVER call you fat to your face! You might be "Big boned", or "a big guy"or my favorite...when a non-fat person will actually say the fat word to you...they'll say, "Oh, you're not THAT fat!!!"

And it is a sad state of affairs when we as a society know more abouth the innerworkings of a serial killers brain than that of an overweight persons. My reasonong behind saying this is because, researchers have actually (suposedly) isolated the "fat gene"? OH>>>>>It's all starting to make sence to me now. I'm not fat because I either eat too much, or too little, but it's because of a genetic MUTATION inside of my body!!! now, please someone tell me, just how was I to controll that?

here is the truth....There is nothing worse in this WORLD , than to be the fat person. It is the first and last thing that people notice when meeting you for the first time. Sure you have a great personality, or you are hilarious, or such a caring person. but, as soo as the "elite" skinnies start talking ABOUT the funny FAT guy ...

I'm sure that you're all wanting me to get to the point already, so I will. My girlfriend ( a fitness trainer) has been trying her best to start up a bootcamp. Just to possibly help a few people change tyheir lives, and hopefully get just a little excited about feeling good about themselves for a change. And the trainer she was speaking to said, "I don't want nothing to do with THOSE fat people", "I dont have anything in common with 'em"

How about a HEART!!! How about the fact that we are all here to help one another. How about if you were to possible take the time to get to kjnow someone , other than what you have always known, maybe...just maybe, you could learn something about...I dont know ....someone other than YOURSELF. And what is really funny is that most people like that really have NO CLUE who they are. But they sure do want you to believe that they've got it all together .Cool as a cuccumber.

The bottom line is that we are ALL quite messed up. So what, If I like a Big Mac value meal. I boought it. And I could care less about a Napolionic narcissis that cheats on his wife with 17 year old boys. SO WHAT!!! All I want to do is help others. Hopefully I can one day save your life. It is this dream that saved mine.